By: Dr. Andrea Goddard
When most people think about the symptoms of depression, they think of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, fatigue, or slowing down. However, all of those symptoms are for adults. Children experience depression differently. As a child psychologist, my advice is to notice irritability.
For children and adolescents, one of the most distinguishing symptoms of depression is irritability rather than pervasive sadness. Despite nothing changing in the environment, young people who are depressed will be more reactive. They respond this way because anger and frustration are often the first emotions people feel comfortable expressing and experiencing. This has to do with the fight-flight-freeze response, which is a basic survival mechanism.
When kids and teenagers are having a hard time and want something to change, they’ll show they’re upset through anger, aggression, and irritability. It’s often easier to express anger versus showing sadness. Kids’ brains are still developing and it’s harder for them to communicate what’s happening and to make sense of what’s going on so irritability becomes their expression of how uncomfortable and low they feel.
What Parents Can Do for Kids Who Are Depressed
It can be confusing for children when their parents ask, “What’s wrong?” Parents, understandably, want to know what caused their child’s mood to change, what happened, and how it can be fixed, but for depression, often there’s no single event. There was likely a buildup of many perceived invalidating events overall that led to your child feeling frustrated and confused.
As a child psychologist, my best recommendation to treat depression in children is for parents to engage in pleasant activities with them. Plan and schedule positive events like going for a walk, going out to eat, or visiting a children’s museum. Getting your child up and out of their preferred environment will help them, as will the movement and activity.
Being out and about reinforces the idea there’s an outside world and the movement increases endorphins, which regulates sleep, and if you’re outdoors, getting sunshine helps with vitamin D. Participating in the activity with your child helps them feel more connected, less alone, and provides an opportunity for you to support them. Something you can say is, “It seems like you’re having a hard time. Is there anything I can do to help?”
The key concept is validation, meaning validating your child’s feelings. At the root of validation is understanding, which is exactly what your child needs. Your child likely won’t be able to say, “This caused my depression,” or “I’m depressed,” but they might say, “I’m having trouble sleeping,” or “Things at school are not going well,” or just “I don’t feel great.” Validating how they’re feeling creates space for a further conversation.
How do you know when your child needs to see a child psychologist such as myself to treat depression? When the condition impacts their life. Is depression interfering with your child’s ability to perform at school or socialize with friends? If so, it’s worth it to reach out to Breakthrough Psychotherapy.
My goal as a North Shore child psychologist is to be a resource for you and your family. If you’d like to work together for child therapy, contact us to schedule a free phone consultation or give us a call at (773) 322-1363.